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[personal profile] imli
Hello livejournal!

I have been out of touch for a while. I hope all of you are doing well, and surviving this holiday season!

I finally started seeing a brain doctor, and we're in the process of diagnosing me with things and getting me on medication. See, we'd done that, and the diagnosis was incorrect. Here's the deal: it looks like I'm bipolar, with general anxiety disorder and OCD. This has been getting worse and worse over the past year or so, and once I quit smoking in July, my mind just went totally out of whack. No more self-medication, I guess. So I set up an appt with the mental health thing in town and saw a doctor, and they diagnosed me with depression first, instead of bipolar. And put me on medication.

Sometimes, when you give antidepressants to someone who is bipolar, it knocks them into a manic episode, or rapid cycling. It kicked me into rapid cycling, so I did that for a month, freaking out and having panic attacks and crying and all kinds of uncomfortable mental states before i saw the doctor again, and we discussed the possibility that I am bipolar. So yep, looks like I am. We switched my meds. That was... a few days ago that I got on new meds? I'm still kind of manic, but the medication is making me feel a little woozy and drunk, too. I will get used to it. Even woozy and drunk and kind of manic is better than I felt last month.

But I haven't been talking to anyone, and I haven't been able to draw or write since the beginning of November. It's really sucked XD But things are heading in the right direction now, so I am relieved about that. I'm also in the process of applying for disability (DR recommended it for mental disability, plus I have a bad back and hip that's been getting worse.) I've filed the initial paperwork, and I have a dr's appt on the 30th to get some kind of diagnosis/opinion for my back and hip stuff.

I really have not been myself for some time now. I apologize if there was anyone whose feelings I've hurt, because I probably didn't realize it. I'm also sorry I've fallen out of touch with friends. I'm gonna try to reopen those friendships, because I have totally isolated myself over the months, and I miss people.

Fandom-wise, I haven't really been doing much. Still into Bleachy stuff, posted a weirdass collab storybook XD a while back when I was trying to force myself back onto the internets, today posted a cuddly Chad/Ishida picture. That is the first thing I've been able to draw in about a month, phew. Hopefully I will be able to draw tomorrow too, so I can get back to work on commissions (and take care of some of this nervous energy XD;).

Other than that, I've been listening to a lot of Elbow and Queens of the Stone Age, amateurishly crocheting scarves, and, I keep forgetting the name of this game. Which is ironic. Because it's called *looks it up* Amnesia(the Dark Descent) lolol

Also, I've made a new account on Dreamwidth, just because. If you are there and want to friend me, I am :)
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September 2015

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